Heart Spasms

Just had a physical heart spasm. At least I think it was. Don’t nobody panic, it’s over. Yes, I should quit smoking. No, I don’t have health insurance, and no this is not a “wake-up call” for me. OK, yes it is a wake-up call. And maybe I will quit those goddamn cigarettes. But I don’t think those things are all that are bothering my heart.

Love.

Money.

People and their opinions.

My heroes dying and being replaced by humans.

The maddening questions: Am I wrong about this or that? Seriously, am I wrong, when I think and see and say and do things? Am I just making shit up?

Are all the windows between me and the outside world mere paintings? Did I paint the scenes to trick my mind’s eye? To fend off the darkness, the isolation of being trapped inside a human?

These questions bother me a lot. My breath grows shallow. There is a wailing in the distance. I drown it out with music. When I turn off the music, the wailing is closer. I turn the music back on.

Give us this day our daily chemicals, so that we might live in peace with the shadows.

I think they call it creeping panic.

There is no redeeming positive message in this post. It’s just me and my abuse of a keyboard.

Changes need to be made.

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