It’s great to see so many people from Wisconsin visiting my blog. Most of you came from some so-called “conservative” blogs and websites that will remain nameless here, because the ones you probably came from don’t deserve a plug from me. First cat I’m gonna let out of the bag is this: those blogs and websites aren’t actually conservative! They’re total imposters. Their authors do not support the curtailment of rampant spending. They do not espouse smaller governments or states’ rights. They do not value tradition, the wisdom of the past, or the continuation of any established order.
Instead, they exhibit nothing but an undying love for Great Leader, I mean Mein Furor, I mean The Chairman, I mean, I mean. Whatever you want to call him. No matter what that neocon shill Bush does, they follow! And when Richard Perle opens his mouth, these “conservatives” drool in admiration!
I am a conservative. You are not. I am sticking my tongue out at you, because I win, and you lose, this debate. Not because I can prove it, which I can but won’t because I make it a point not to throw my pearls before swine, but because I know I’m right. So I find it absolutely hilarious when you people label 9/11 researchers as “liberal moonbats”. I mean, can you please just go with a more time-honored cliché, like “tinfoil hatter”, or something? That would be nice, and more accurate (read: less infinitely ignorant). What does free thought have to do, directly, with liberalism? Say it with me, “conservatives”: Not much! Right? I mean, come on, you do hate “liberals” (whatever the hell those are) so much that you’re willing to blame them for everything, including the yammerings of tinfoil hatters like me, right? Those damn liberals and their conspiracy theories. Fools! Swine! Oink!
Cat Number Two jumpin’ out da bag: Most liberals don’t think 9/11 was in inside job! Do you understand the words that are comin’ outta my mouth (thank you Chris Tucker)? Most liberals are, well, stuck on “the liberal agenda”. I thought you knew that! Why the hell should they stray from their Robin Hood delusions of stealing from the rich and giving to themselves? Why should they throw away their whole plan just so they could say discrediting things like Bush knocked down the towers and Cheney has a tail and Silverstein is Jewish and Bin Laden, who is a dirty Jew, is trying to undermine the institution of marriage by trysting with Elvis, who is a dirty Jew steppin’ on my blue suede shoes and whatnot? Well some of that stuff is factually accurate, but most of it is complete lunacy and/or anti-Semitism. Point is, that stuff’s for me to say, not liberals! I’m the psycho here! I’m the supposed Jew-hater here! (Not that the real bad guys are even Jewish, but it doesn’t matter, because no matter what a dissenter says – even if he’s saying, “Uh, yo, a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant just kicked me in the nuts” – he’s only complaining because he hates the Jooz, and by Allah Christ, you people are gonna point it out and, if necessary, make stuff up and take things out of context, which, I am 100% sure, you all will do when you are done reading this. It’s just a cut-and-paste endeavor. Think you can handle that? Or haven’t you yet found the on-switch to that Mac laptop your trust fund bought you?) So you leave them liberals alone, you meany wannabe-conservatives!
And the third cat purred: Dr. Kevin Barrett (yeah, he’s a doctor, and don’t you forget it, you filthy conservative hippies) is not only smart, not just brave, not just righteous, but he’s a funny mofo too! He’s got more personality in his converted ragtop hat than you’ve got in your whole wardrobe full of Abercrombie & Fitch. Or Old Navy, or whatever the hell you people wear. I don’t care what you wear. Point is, all of your personality is tied up in your clothing. Hey, don’t feel so bad. Some people just suck, that’s all. And you’re one of those people. That’s okay, don’t worry about it. I heard the Wizard is supposed to stop by Wisconsin on his way to Oz. Maybe he’ll give you a clue. Best of luck with that.
And now, for those of you who are capable of abstract thought (i.e., the ones who laughed or at least smirked somewhere in there), thank you for reading this. All I’m saying is, hey, teacher, don’t leave them kids alone, what we need is education. And not the kind of education where you just regurgitate the edicts of the winning factions of all wars that ever happened in history. Can learning please be more than just a survey of opinions from every annoying dictator and genocidal maniac who ever got flag-waved into power? Please. I’m not begging you, I’m telling you. Well, yes, I’m begging you. “You” being “whoever”. Edumucate yourself, and then edumucate someone else.
Just leave the immature rants and raves to me. I got that base covered. Someone else can take up the mantel of civilized debate. I’m sick and tired of it. Besides, ad hominem is the only thing you “conservatives” understand.
Laughing all the way to the Neocon War Crimes Tribunal,
P.S. I actually love the liberals these days. They are currently God’s gift to “conservatives”. And I mean that.
P.P.S Not all Wisconsinites are sheeple. Matter of fact, I hear sheep are actually in the minority there, according to a recent Zogby poll. How’s that for a mindfuck? Sheep in the minority. That’s deep.