9/11 Poll Results

WARNING: lots of boring and impertinent details in this post. If you haven’t had your coffee yet, I’d recommend skipping down to the previous post, which is impertinent but entertaining, and coming back here later.

A huge number of people (okay, 25) responded to my little “poll” about 9/11. I posted some preliminary results three days ago, but this post you’re now reading is the full report.

The question was, “Where do you stand on 9/11?” Respondents were invited to check all that apply. I was only able to provide 10 possible answers due to Vizu’s limitations; I would have preferred 20 or 25 possible answers, but I really liked Vizu’s format. (If you didn’t take the poll while it was on my blog, you can still take it here.)

The results include plenty of both “liberal” and “conservative” and “independent” voters; I know this because I have been loosely tracking their originating sites. Okay, so it’s not entirely scientific. But you’ll see some pretty clear-cut conclusions if you take a close look and take it apart.

First and foremost, I was glad to find out that only 16% of respondents said that the poll itself was “perfectly framed to register all possible opinion ranges.” This demonstrates a natural awareness that the 9/11 issue cannot easily be broken down into the discrete categories I laid out. At first, that may sound like a cruel trick to play on people, but that wasn’t the intention, as you will see.

My second favorite conclusion is that only 4% (one person) believed that all questions about 9/11 were settled long ago. That’s encouraging. So, while not everyone necessarily agrees with me when I believe that 9/11 was an inside job, at least there is the generally held admission that we don’t know all the answers.

Interestingly enough, the very same person who said that all 9/11 questions were settled long ago, did not say that he or she knew everything there was to know about 9/11. I know this because literally nobody said that they knew everything there is to know about 9/11, as I will discuss later. That proves conclusively that that one person is a self-contradicting moron. How can you say that all questions about 9/11 have been answered, when you fully admit that not even you know all the answers? How can you possibly verify that? How can you be such a parrot, a sheep, a lemming? Your convictions are absurd on their face, and they defy all logic. You just proved to us all beyond a shadow of a doubt that you don’t even believe your own self-deluded doublethink. People are welcome to disagree, but don’t just talk for the sake of it, or you’re liable to get schooled by a tinfoil hatter. Get the hell off the Internet before you stub your thumb on the “any” key. Just go. Grab your pills, get the bottle of Jack out from behind the couch, flip on the Fox News, and just be as happy as a pig in shit for all eternity, okay? Whatever blows your skirt up, you know?

Don’t worry, I detected no further stupidity than in that one respondent. Amazing how a silly little poll can really work this blogger into a self-righteous tizzy. Deep breaths. Deep. Breaths. Ten, nine, still mad, eight, seven, not so bad, six, five, four, feeling calmer, three, calmer, two, one. Okay, I’m cool now. No worries. Moving on.

It seems almost everybody agreed that some-to-all of the facts about 9/11 were withheld by those who are truly in-the-know, but not necessarily because of a dastardly plan to deceive the public. 32% believed the cover-up was motivated, at least in part, by security concerns. 32% believed that incompetence had something to do with the reasons behind any possible cover-up.

At this point I need to admit that some of these questions were muddled with qualifiers, so that some of the answers had to be judgment calls. I intentionally chose the possible responses based on what I perceived to be the Zeitgeist, rather than based on a more rational method. However, it is highly worth noting that 20% of respondents said they believe that some details were withheld to protect guilty parties, and a whopping 40% of respondents believe that most of the guilty parties are Americans, hands down.

At this point, you’re probably thinking that that 40% number seems pretty high. Your skepticism is worthy of acknowledgment, for two reasons. One, only 25 people responded, which brings a large margin of error; and two, I could have easily targeted this poll to people whose opinions I already know. To the first charge, you’re right. Small sample. Nothing I can do about it. However, that 40% number happens to be about on par with the national polls Zogby has been doing. To the second charge, I can honestly say I have been spending a lot of time baiting “conservatives” and avowed neocons alike into visiting my blog. This was to counterbalance the inevitable alliances of common interest and values that one naturally accumulates in the blogosphere over time. What I saw was a lot of “conservative” bloggers visiting my site (verified via Site Meter) during the same time points at which the poll numbers changed. Enough of them came over here to satisfy my desire for a modicum of balance.

Only 8% (2 people) believe that no commercial airliners struck any buildings. This may sound crazy at first, even to a 9/11 researcher, but their answers were probably based on the ongoing dogged analysis of possible television footage doctoring that some allege is responsible for some kind of near-universal delusion. Their contention may or may not include some reference to the idea that people can actually be brainwashed into believing that their own eyes deceive them, and that television is a more reliable means of interacting with one’s exterior existence. There is real evidence for this phenomenon, but I myself am not at all ready to delve into the frustrating world of TV fakery detection and the wild and woolly world of the Jungian collective unconscious and memes and whatnot. I just don’t have that kind of time right now. Therefore, I was not one of the two people who checked off that box. All I’m saying is listen.

Finally, there were the three self-assessment questions, which can be summed up into one question: How much do you think you know about 9/11? As I said before, nobody was arrogant enough to claim that they know everything there is to know about the subject. That’s a relief. Nobody fell for that one. I don’t need to explain, then, just how complex this topic is. To my amazement, only 40% of respondents felt that they know more about 9/11 than the average joe. I really respect that kind of honesty. That figure makes sense, too, since it’s not so far off from 50%, which, by definition, is average. So if you checked off that box, you probably really do know more about 9/11 than the average joe.

Also to my amazement, 20% of respondents admitted that they know little about 9/11. That’s a huge thing to admit, even to oneself. It’s extremely important that we exercise that kind of humility at all times; it’s one of the basic preconditions for learning and discovery. I myself could learn a lot from this category of humble poll respondents.

So to recap:

“All of the official story is accurate. All questions about 9/11 were settled a long time ago.” 4%

“All of the official story is accurate, but some details were withheld for security reasons.” 32%

“Most of the official story is accurate, but some details were withheld to spare the INCOMPETENT.” 32%

“Most of the official story is accurate, but some details were withheld to spare the GUILTY.” 20%

“Very little of the official story is accurate, and most of the guilty parties are Americans.” 40%

“None of the official story is accurate. Commercial airliners did not strike any buildings.” 8%

“I feel I know everything there is to know about 9/11.” 0%

“I feel I know more about 9/11 than the average joe.” 40%

“I feel I know little about 9/11.” 20%

“This poll is perfectly framed to register all possible opinion ranges.” 16%

So. There you go. I hope you learned something. I sure learned some things. I like experiments. Now how about something a little more lighthearted? Enjoy the new poll: Who Do You Hate? (Select Only One).

Kevin Barrett Eats Babies

If you’ve been following the Kevin Barrett scandal in Wisconsin, you already know that this professor hates America. First he went on a “conservative” radio program and said that there are pink elephants dancing polka on the dark side of the moon. Then he went on Hannity and Colmes to talk about spuds and other nutritious roots and tubers, and oh boy did he lose that debate! Booya! Then Bill O’Reilly pretty much put Barrett in his political grave when he said Barrett belongs “in the Charles River floating down, you know, toward the harbor.”* High five!

But wait. Soon after Fox News rightfully exposed Barrett as a Def Leppard denialist and astutely advised their viewers to shoot Barrett, the University of Wisconsin Provost Patrick Farrell released a statement to the effect of: “I like Kevin Barrett. Kevin Barrett is my best friend. I like his hair, and he is an excellent speller.”**

It was starting to look better for Barrett. And that’s no good for America. So State Representative Steve Nass courageously dashed to the rescue, by rounding up 60 other State Representatives to sign off on a formal demand that said, “Kevin Barrett is a poopy butt. Fire him and give him a ‘nuggie’ or a ‘snakebite’ or at least a round of ‘Ten Pops’. And this has nothing to do with a perfect excuse to cut state funding for higher education, which has never in the past been our goal. Oh, and more pop machines for the hallways. Me for Class President!”**

Now, you would think this would be enough to wake people up to the reality of Kevin Barrett and his smelly patchouli. But no. He still has a job, there have been no schoolyard pranks of any kind, poor people are still getting smarter, and the pop machines are still being unfairly terrorized by a box full of NutriGrain bars. On the bright side, Mark Green might become class president.***

In the ancient words of Eminem, This motherfucker won’t die. Go to sleep, bitch! Die, motherfucker, die! Unh! Time’s up, bitch! Close your eyes and go to sleep bitch!*

It ain’t happening. Barrett is alive and well, and he is still loved by all the comic book bad guys, including Lex Luthor and Gargamel. Plus a handful of millions of white-bread American terrorists, according to a recent Zogby poll. This can only mean one thing: Barrett won’t die because he is dead. He’s a zombie, man! Or at least a vampire and a pagan both rolled up into one. And we all know what pagans do.

Kevin Barrett eats babies.

Oh, plus he’s some kind of 9/11 “denialist” or something.

* Actual quotes.

** Not actual quotes. I know, it’s hard to tell the difference.

*** Incidentally, U.S. Representative from Green Bay of the Not-Green-Party Mark Green is running for governor on a platform that favors a triple-threat playground prank of nuggies, snakebites, and Ten Pops. He also favors having more things that have “Green” in their names or that incorporate the color green, such as dirty money funneled to him by Tom DeLay.****

**** That last part is not a joke.

9/11? Never happened.

9/11? Never happened. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Planes? Buildings? People? Quoi? Stop talking funny. Unless you’re talking about the Chilean coup of September 11, 1973, in which the United States C.I.A. apparently did not overthrow the Socialist plurality president Salvador Allende and replace him with genocidal dictator General Augusto Pinochet in a coup d’etat using Britain-manufactured Hawker-Hunter fighter jets to bomb the Presidential Palace, I fail to understand this “9/11” you speak of. You see, I am a 9/11 denialist.

Only this past week did I learn that I am a 9/11 denialist. I have a Wisconsin “conservative” blogger to thank for this revelation. Up until this discovery, I had considered myself more of a, oh, I don’t know, 9/11 researcher, which I define as a terrorist who goes digging around for facts and things. But now I know I’m not. I’m actually a denialist. That’s someone who refuses to acknowledge – oops, I mean admits the dearth of – a given event.

Since I am a denialist, what I really enjoy doing is pretending – oops, I mean admitting – that 9/11 never happened. Burning? Screaming? Death? Snap out of it, my boy! Blithering and blathering about this mystical “9/11” business is not earning you any vacation days from the asylum.

Here is what happened on 9/11: nothing. It was a normal day at the office, m’kay? Get that through your head. Oh, don’t cry. Here, I know what will make you feel better: a trip to the World Trade Center! We’ll go up in the tower, in those big elevators of theirs, the ones that go really fast. Your tummy will feel funny, but not a bad funny. I think that will cheer you up. And then, when we get to the top, we’ll go to the observatory and look out upon the pristine expanses of New York City where nothing ever happened, m’kay? Well, nothing but wonderful concerts on the World Trade Center Plaza. Maybe there will be a jazz band there; we can swing dance!

The weather is beautiful, the government is a peach, the oligopolies put their pants on one leg at a time just like you, there is no such thing as white evil, and there was no 9/11. I know this because I am a 9/11 denialist, and because reverse logic tells me so.

Hi, Wisconsin!

It’s great to see so many people from Wisconsin visiting my blog. Most of you came from some so-called “conservative” blogs and websites that will remain nameless here, because the ones you probably came from don’t deserve a plug from me. First cat I’m gonna let out of the bag is this: those blogs and websites aren’t actually conservative! They’re total imposters. Their authors do not support the curtailment of rampant spending. They do not espouse smaller governments or states’ rights. They do not value tradition, the wisdom of the past, or the continuation of any established order.

Instead, they exhibit nothing but an undying love for Great Leader, I mean Mein Furor, I mean The Chairman, I mean, I mean. Whatever you want to call him. No matter what that neocon shill Bush does, they follow! And when Richard Perle opens his mouth, these “conservatives” drool in admiration!

I am a conservative. You are not. I am sticking my tongue out at you, because I win, and you lose, this debate. Not because I can prove it, which I can but won’t because I make it a point not to throw my pearls before swine, but because I know I’m right. So I find it absolutely hilarious when you people label 9/11 researchers as “liberal moonbats”. I mean, can you please just go with a more time-honored cliché, like “tinfoil hatter”, or something? That would be nice, and more accurate (read: less infinitely ignorant). What does free thought have to do, directly, with liberalism? Say it with me, “conservatives”: Not much! Right? I mean, come on, you do hate “liberals” (whatever the hell those are) so much that you’re willing to blame them for everything, including the yammerings of tinfoil hatters like me, right? Those damn liberals and their conspiracy theories. Fools! Swine! Oink!

Cat Number Two jumpin’ out da bag: Most liberals don’t think 9/11 was in inside job! Do you understand the words that are comin’ outta my mouth (thank you Chris Tucker)? Most liberals are, well, stuck on “the liberal agenda”. I thought you knew that! Why the hell should they stray from their Robin Hood delusions of stealing from the rich and giving to themselves? Why should they throw away their whole plan just so they could say discrediting things like Bush knocked down the towers and Cheney has a tail and Silverstein is Jewish and Bin Laden, who is a dirty Jew, is trying to undermine the institution of marriage by trysting with Elvis, who is a dirty Jew steppin’ on my blue suede shoes and whatnot? Well some of that stuff is factually accurate, but most of it is complete lunacy and/or anti-Semitism. Point is, that stuff’s for me to say, not liberals! I’m the psycho here! I’m the supposed Jew-hater here! (Not that the real bad guys are even Jewish, but it doesn’t matter, because no matter what a dissenter says – even if he’s saying, “Uh, yo, a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant just kicked me in the nuts” – he’s only complaining because he hates the Jooz, and by Allah Christ, you people are gonna point it out and, if necessary, make stuff up and take things out of context, which, I am 100% sure, you all will do when you are done reading this. It’s just a cut-and-paste endeavor. Think you can handle that? Or haven’t you yet found the on-switch to that Mac laptop your trust fund bought you?) So you leave them liberals alone, you meany wannabe-conservatives!

And the third cat purred: Dr. Kevin Barrett (yeah, he’s a doctor, and don’t you forget it, you filthy conservative hippies) is not only smart, not just brave, not just righteous, but he’s a funny mofo too! He’s got more personality in his converted ragtop hat than you’ve got in your whole wardrobe full of Abercrombie & Fitch. Or Old Navy, or whatever the hell you people wear. I don’t care what you wear. Point is, all of your personality is tied up in your clothing. Hey, don’t feel so bad. Some people just suck, that’s all. And you’re one of those people. That’s okay, don’t worry about it. I heard the Wizard is supposed to stop by Wisconsin on his way to Oz. Maybe he’ll give you a clue. Best of luck with that.

And now, for those of you who are capable of abstract thought (i.e., the ones who laughed or at least smirked somewhere in there), thank you for reading this. All I’m saying is, hey, teacher, don’t leave them kids alone, what we need is education. And not the kind of education where you just regurgitate the edicts of the winning factions of all wars that ever happened in history. Can learning please be more than just a survey of opinions from every annoying dictator and genocidal maniac who ever got flag-waved into power? Please. I’m not begging you, I’m telling you. Well, yes, I’m begging you. “You” being “whoever”. Edumucate yourself, and then edumucate someone else.

Just leave the immature rants and raves to me. I got that base covered. Someone else can take up the mantel of civilized debate. I’m sick and tired of it. Besides, ad hominem is the only thing you “conservatives” understand.

Laughing all the way to the Neocon War Crimes Tribunal,

P.S. I actually love the liberals these days. They are currently God’s gift to “conservatives”. And I mean that.

P.P.S Not all Wisconsinites are sheeple. Matter of fact, I hear sheep are actually in the minority there, according to a recent Zogby poll. How’s that for a mindfuck? Sheep in the minority. That’s deep.

Poll Results

Out of the 20 respondents to my informal poll, zero said that all of the official 9/11 story is accurate and that all questions about 9/11 were settled a long time ago. This is important. Even if you do not think that 9/11 was an inside job, you do believe

0.0% All of the official story is accurate. All questions about 9/11 were settled a long time ago.

35.0% All of the official story is accurate, but some details were withheld for security reasons.

40.0% Most of the official story is accurate, but some details were withheld to spare the INCOMPETENT.

25.0% Most of the official story is accurate, but some details were withheld to spare the GUILTY.

30.0% Very little of the official story is accurate, and most of the guilty parties are Americans.

10.0% None of the official story is accurate. Commercial airliners did not strike any buildings.

0.0% I feel I know everything there is to know about 9/11.

40.0% I feel I know more about 9/11 than the average joe.

25.0% I feel I know little about 9/11.

15.0% This poll is perfectly framed to register all possible opinion ranges.